If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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