Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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