you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
