woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
