On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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