I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
