just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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