I molested 6 butterflies tonight
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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