well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
