Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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