just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
