i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
