They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
