I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
