He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
