I hate all girls vehemently.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
