I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
