I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
