My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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