P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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