I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
