We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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