You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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