My Higher Power is John Stamos
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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