My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
As shirtless as possible
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
