i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
