Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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