You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she peed on how many people?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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