I am in a vortex of obligation.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
