He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize