I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
