Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
we should paint friendship bongs
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