dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
