We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
