The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
