You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
