well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
no, he came in my armpit
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
