were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
