They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
