im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
A bitchslap is in order.
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