my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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