Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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