dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I've blown a few things in my day
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
