hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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