Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize