That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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