Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize