Redeem this text for a blowjob
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
