it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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