did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
