I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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