You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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