anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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