dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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