She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
