so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
