2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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