90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Is Oprah even human
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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