at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
