It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
