i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Everclear isn't food dammit
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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