I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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