So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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