how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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