just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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