Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
how does that bad decision feel?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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