My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
