I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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