around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize