Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
