i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Boobs speak an international language.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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