you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
