I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize